Wood Badge Humor

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	You Might be a Wood Badger.... Take off from Jeff Foxworthy's You might be a Redneck
	If you've ever been driving at 60 MPH and suddenly slammed on the brakes because you thought you saw a Patrol critter at a yard sale... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If you've ever received a speeding ticket because you were running late and you were afraid you might miss THE SONG ... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If you've ever found yourself spending ten dollars or more playing a game of chance at a carnival because the top prize was a stuffed Kudu... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If you were ever late for work because you couldn't find your patrol flag ... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If your yard has grass 10 inches high but Gilwell Field looks great... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If instead of a night out with the boys, you prefer a night out with the "Bears" or "Owls" or "Beavers"... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If you hang your tent totem on the doorknob of the Holiday Inn while on family vacation ... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If you think your spouses new rock garden would look perfect with "A THING" in it ... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If you get disappointed at family reunions because no one wants to build a catapult ... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If you've ever taken out a loan so you had a $100 dollar bill to measure your neckerchief ... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If you thought Thanksgiving dinner was ruined because you ran out of peanut butter ... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If you think Bunyon burgers and Cobbler are two of the five major food groups... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If the fountain at your wedding had bug juice... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If your baby's first words were, "Back to Gilwell" ... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If you think the National Anthem is "When it's Hog Calling Time Here at Wood Badge"... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If you are absolutely sure that God looks a lot like ___(insert favorite staffer name)______... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If you don't understand why tuxedos don't come with neckerchiefs and knee socks... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If your Coat of Arms features a Kudu... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If you think campfire building should be an Olympic sport... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If you have 2 lawn mowers that don't work and a broken storm door, but a perfectly good Table Totem... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If you've ever cried because your spouse threw out a container of old ashes (and they weren't Uncle Pete)... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If your idea of a trip to the HolyLand means Gilwell Park in England... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If the only thing you remember from your honeymoon is the herd of Antelope you drove by in Wyoming... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If you've ever worn your Scout Uniform to your children's' wedding ... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If you list tin foil cooking as a skill on your resume.... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If the directions to your house say, "Turn left at the "THING"... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If you've gone to a Hooters restaurant and didn't realize there were girls there... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If you bought that '89 Chevy Caprice for the fleur-de-lis hood ornament... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If your favorite color is olive drab... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If you decided to lash together the new deck on the back of your house... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If you plan to serve foil meals at your next dinner party... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If you walk the streets in broad daylight with a coffee cup and flashlight hanging from your belt... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If you raise your hand to the Scout Sign at a heated business meeting... ou Might Be A Wood Badger! If you were arrested by airport security because you wouldn't give up your pocketknife until he said "thank you" ... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If you don't mind losing power to your house for 3 days... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If your son hides his copy of Boy's Life from you (get your own)... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If your plans for remodeling the bathroom include digging the hole deeper... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If you trade your 25 foot center console fishing boat for a 15 foot canoe... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If your favorite movie is "Follow Me Boys" and you spent months trying to convince Disney to release it on home video.... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If you disconnect the automatic dishwasher in favor of the "3 pot method"... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If you sneak a cup of bug juice after your spouse goes to bed... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If you felt you won a moral victory when the BSA brought back knee socks... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If you think campaign hats are cool... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If you gave your wife a mummy bag rated for -15 degrees for Christmas... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If you named one of your kids Baden... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If you and your spouse consider "Camp Granada" by Allen Sherman to be your song... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If you can't eat eggs anymore unless they are cooked in a plastic bag ... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If you plan to get rich by writing a best selling Dutch Oven cookbook ... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If you took a chemistry course at a local college to help you develop a better fire starter ... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If you actually own a left-handed smoke shifter ... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If the high point of your social season is the Wood Badge feast ... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If a trip to Philmont is a pilgrimage ... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If you are convinced the center of the universe is Gilwell Park, England ... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If the sales operators at the BSA distribution center's 800 number recognize your voice .. You Might Be A Wood Badger! If singing "On My Honor" makes you cry uncontrollably ... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If you were disappointed when Boys Life didn't win the Pulitzer Prize last year ... You Might Be A Wood Badger! If bug repellant smells like perfume. You Might Be A Wood Badger! If you know the times trains leave for Chingford from Liverpool, You Might Be A Wood Badger! Thanks for original submission by Connie Pettit, Longhorn Council, Fort Worth Texas

	Troop 1 Gilwell Jody Call Scouters, scouters in the state There’s a course you should take. Wood Badge, Wood Badge off we’ll go Scouting knowledge we must show. Critters, critters don’t you know Gilwell troop is on the go. Learnin’ to be leaders fine Wood Badge beads will soon be mine. Staffers staffers can’t you see Troop One’s scouts will soon be free. Back to packs, troops and teams For teaching boys with all our means. Writing visions, making missions Completing tickets with precision. When our tickets all be through, We’ll be glad and so will you. Wood Badge, Wood Badge is our call A leather woggle binds us all. We will never be the same, We put purpose in the game. By Fred Gellert Beaver WE1-612-1-02 Sent by, John Pass Bobwhite WE1-612-1-02
	The Wood Badge Fox Trot TUNE: "Halls of Montezuma" I used to have a life, a pretty good life too. But now that I’m in Wood Badge, it’s all I seem to do. I get up very early, and I go ‘til way past ten. When the sun rises tomorrow, we’ll do it all again. The Beavers are all whining, the Bobwhites now are gray. The Eagles wings are drooping, and the Foxes can’t think straight. The Owls are always sleepy, and the Bears are ornery too. Oh, we’d love to take and hide the SPL’s kudu. The Buffalos are angry, the Antelopes are blue. The staff if feeling overwhelmed, they don’t know what to do. The Scoutmaster is missing, and the SPL is gone. And my troop guide has just told me, that my ticket is all wrong. And now our song is over, but you know it isn’t true. We all had fun at Wood Badge, despite a lot to do. But come the end of Sunday, we will gladly all proclaim, That we’re glad we’ll once more have, a normal life again. By Craig Ibbotson with input from the rest of the Fox Patrol C-29-04 Randy Hill, Jack Stewart, Nina Garnhart, Doug Heuer.